Peer Review Comments

For David:
The introduction seems choppy with your constant short sentences, you should combine them to make them flow better. Clarify the relationship between Katniss and Peeta; you should tell of their past before they were picked as tributes, and make it a bit clearer what their relationship was like in the arena, if you're going to mention how they acted as lovers. You should explain more about the Greek myth of Theseus, and specifically how it inspired Suzanne Collins and how it relates to Katniss. You should take out "currently" in "The Greek myth of Theseus also inspired her book and that is what Katniss, the main character is currently similar to." It doesn't really work. When you start talking about the Vietnam War, it's confusing, and sudden, it's not clear what you're talking about, and it doesn't relate to much, seems like it was just put there randomly. You should explore the reason why Collins wrote the book clearer, you're explanation is really brief, and kind of awkward, to be honest. I personally disagree with how you think the book was slow, I think the way she spent time with the details really helped visualize it clearly for readers, and she didn't explain what the reaping was to keep readers curious to find out what it was, and to be able to build some climax around it.

For Jay:
You need to tell readers what the title, author, genre, and subject of your book is in your introduction. You also need to summarize your book briefly and write a thesis statement for what you're going to write about. Your current introduction or start to introduce and answer the first question could start by being more clear, it's repetitive at the beginning, and there's a lot of clutter. Try to explain a bit more about tracker jackers, and how it shows why too much genetic engineering is bad. Is there seriously debate now about whether animals should be used as weapons of mass destruction in wars??? I've never heard of it. Reorganize your essay, so you talk about her purpose to write the book being the future if government had too much power first, instead of jumping back and forth between the subject. The end is a bit repetitive, you should try to answer another question, and be more creative and cut the clutter with it.

For Peter:
When you start off, tell readers the title, author, genre, and subject of the book. Summarize the book briefly and write a thesis statement about what you're going to write about in the rest of the essay. Don't give too many details on Kristina's youth and past, it's unnecessary. What question are you answering in your essay? You summarize the book more than really answering any question about it, and it really focuses on specific details in the book rather than the general idea and message, and it gives a lot away to readers who have never read the book; you told them that Kristina was pregnant. Instead of leaving your explanation of what is talked about in the book in the last paragraph, put it in the introduction.