I miss you D;

Gomez made a post about how much she misses Kylie.  I was thinking about commenting, but I don't think a comment is enough to talk about how I feel too.

Gomez's blog about Kylie is here.

"I don't know what happened, but we used to be such amazing friends. You were that one guy I could talk to about anything. You, Amber, and me were so close."

You know, blogging about this makes me feel weird, because Kyle's already so far away from us, but I'm going to do it anyways.  Also, even though I'm mostly talking to Kyle, part of this is to Gomez too.

Kyle, what happened to you?  What happened to our days spent at the water stop, those hours we wasted away talking about everything?  You act like it never happened, but it has, and maybe it's because Gomez and I are girls (not trying to be sexist or anything) or maybe, you never intended to stay with us in the first place.  We entrusted our friendship to you, and expected you to return it, but now, all those happy moments have faded away from my memory, and all I can remember is the betrayal, the gossip, the bumps in our friendship, and the empty space there is now when we bike.

Let me start from the beginning. I've known you since kindergarten.  We had the same teacher, Ms. Yoon and Ms. Goldspring.  We never talked much, but we still knew each other.  As the years progressed, we became middle schoolers.  I still remember those lunches.  Sixth and seventh grade, my friends and I would sit on the ampitheater stage for lunch, and we would constantly be bombarded by you and Calvin's pineapples and grapes.  Same with Eighth grade, except you sat on the stage then and us on the steps.  We still were attacked.  After a while though, you began to sit on the steps next to us.  My friends disliked you, and you knew that.  In PE, I would tease you and I still remember always hitting you with the hockey stick.  We got along okay in Mr. Hill's class too.  I would tsk at you for eating your lunch in his class, and you never bothered to hide it.  We never had close bonding moments or anything though.  We were mutual "friends" if you can call that friendship.

When I found out that you were going to go to ASTI, I complained so much.  I kept on claiming that I would kill myself if we ended up going to the same college, because I was so annoyed with you. (I was joking. I wouldnt. Really.)

Since we lived so close to each other, we decided to start biking together.  You, Gomez and I.  We originated with the water stop after getting Starbucks on the first week of school.  After that, we started to stop there when we biked, to drink water, Starbucks. or in my case, chrysanthemum tea.  Soon, we began to sit down, and talk.  Those conversations soon got more personal, and we would talk about our secrets, crushes, and problems.

Halfway through the year, we got into all those trust issues, and you would say things that I told to you privately, to Gomez, and vice versa.  Soon, you started telling her that I was saying things behind her back, and someone else told her that I was telling others about her secrets, and she even thought that I was making up things to try to keep her and her special someone apart, even though I wasn't.  I nearly lost a good friend three times that year.  If I did, I don't know how I would've gotten through high school, seeing a person who I would've easily said was my sister in a second, but no longer could really talk to as best friends.

All those moments we've shared, our days of friendship, deep conversations, venting, and ranting, have all gone down the drain.  You're a different person, so much more different than the ones you changed into last year.  You left us for others a few times, but you still came back to the friendship of the Ambers.  I don't think that's ever going to happen again.

In some sense, I'm mad.  But still, I'm sad.  For me though, I cannot bring myself to tears over this loss friend.  It's not worth it for me.  I'd just be crying for something that has been lost, never to come back again, and crying won't make it any better or fix it in any way.  It'll only leave a deeper impression and gaping hole where you're friendship used to be.

Now, as I go through everyday, I still see you around, but no longer is that sadness still there.  Its been replaced by a wall of cloth.  Blocking away the pain, but still the pain can slip in and remind me of those days we once shared together.

I've got to go now, but Kylie, I miss you.